9-23-13

I went for a walk today.  I haven’t walked since spring when I wanted to get back into the habit of walking to lose weight.  I walked everyday for over a year and lost thirty pounds.  With going to school and working almost full time, I really do not have a lot of time and the free time I do have, I would rather spend with friends or sleep.  So walking has taken a backseat to life right now.  I am in a rut however and need something to pull me out of it.  I believe that walking will do this for me.  It allows me to be creative by creating new playlists to walk to and it allows my imagination to take in the scenery around me and create short stories, imagine images and maybe think of crafty things to do.  I feel much better today than I have in a few weeks.  I am tired and I don’t think my hair looks great but my spirit has been poked at and I think that is what it needed.  I am going to do my very best to walk three times a week and to actually not be lazy and let my need for sleep or sad thoughts ruin this awesome idea.  The sunshine doesn’t hurt either.  Vitamin D is something everyone needs and just sitting in it is sometimes enough but most of the time it is better to get out and breath it in :)

Throwing off my routine scares me which is why walking three times a week frightens me a bit.  I have grown accustomed to sitting around three mornings a week and having some “me” time.  That however has backfired on me and led me and held me in this rut.  - long story for no other day. :)

This change though will do me good.  I will get the sunshine I need, the exercise my body needs and the fresh air that will help me sleep at night. 

                                                                   Megan :D

9-4-13

So my daughter got married in August.  She is 19 and he is 18.  This scares me but it also does not.  I am very proud of both of them and see love between them that can only get stronger.  It scares me because I was 18 when I was first married and that did not last.  I do believe though, that Jessica and Dillon have a better chance because they have been friends for about five years.  They have been there for each other during breakups and the ending of friendships, the renewal of friendships and just for each other.  I have faith that they did not enter this lightly and that they have a better chance than most because of their deep friendship.  I also see the light in their eyes when they speak about each other, when they look at each other and when they talk to others about each other.  It is a wonderful sight :) and it makes me understand that against odds they will survive.  

When Dillon asked me if he could marry Jessica, I told him that “divorce is not an option for Jessica - do you know this?” and he said it was not an option for him either.  One of my favorite pieces of advice for newlyweds or engaged couples is the one that suggests that the word divorce be taken out of your vocabulary.  If it is not an options, the word should not exist.  I completely agree because it was in my vocabulary and it was an option for me.  Today’s society says that if you want out, get out.  Society does not focus on fixing marriages like they used to.  Jessica and Dillon are off to a better start than most by not allowing divorce to be an option for them.  

Eventually our kids grow up and become their own person and have their own lives and not need us as much as they did as children.  This is life and we have to let our children live their own lives and support them and not talk them out of growing.  I know this scares most of us everyday.  I just want the best for my daughter and want to be able to hold her hand and shelter her but that is not going to do her any good.  She needs to be able to be herself and her own person.  Both of us will sprout new wings and will being new chapters in our live stories as each year passes.  This is what makes me smile :)

Megan

7-15-2013

Ok so writing a blog scared me a bit more than I expected.  It is funny how life just keeps moving and one day you realize that it has been over a year since you have done something.  It is also funny how over the course of said year, so many things that scared me have happened.  I moved into an apartment with my daughter - one of the best experiences I could have asked for.  I took some classes at college that I normally would not have taken - another good learning, Nazi Germany post WWI and pre WWII was a very interesting atmosphere.  I dated two men who I admire dearly, and failed miserably at both relationships and jeopardized both friendships.  Accepted a new position at work with more responsibilities - because I have extra time to worry about work, school, my daughter, my life and my parents....  My daughter got engaged and is getting married in August.  I am in the process of moving again - smaller place just for me, there will be lots of pink.  :)  So, yes this blog fell to the wayside and I apologize.  

I do intend to write again because this does help me move past some things that I am afraid of.  I have killed about five spiders since I moved in with my daughter, I have made new friends and lost some friends, I did date and I made some peace with other things from the past.  

One big thing that I have learned this past year is that pride is a terrible emotion to have.  It tears our self esteem apart and it prevents us from moving forward.  Pride encourages us to hold on to anger and resentment like badges to show everyone around us.  I want to live a life with very little regret and pride allows you to believe that you are not going to regret your decisions yet it prohibits you from being a forgiving person.  I sent an email tonight to a friend who I miss terribly.  I haven’t spoken to him in person for almost five months, and pride made me believe that I was doing the right thing.  I am scared as I wait to see if he responds, yet I know that what I needed to say has been said.  John Mayer stated: “even if your hands are shaking, and your faith is broken...say what you need to say....”  it is so very true.  

So bear with me as I attempt this again.  I do not want to promise a weekly or biweekly update, but I do want to promise more consistency.  

Thank you!  Megan

May 8th, 2012

So I have one final left.  Thank goodness, cause I am in need of no school for a while... three months to be exact. ;)  So with that, I asked my boss if I could work full time during the summer months and he says I can so.... I will be working six days a week.  Wednesday through Monday.  Looks like Tuesdays will be my relax and catch up day.  

I have been getting people to try the Kumbocha I make, and they like it and want to make their own, and that is very cool.  I know that my friend, Binky, will be super excited to hear that. (and the fact that I used the name she is known by)

I house sat for friends who went to Florida.  They have a horse, a goat, barn cats, two inside cats and two dogs.  It was interesting.  I haven’t ever gotten to know a horse and Billy (the horse) is thirty-four and has no teeth so I knew he wouldn’t bite me.  Libby the goat though was not happy with my presence.  It made me realize that I am totally a city girl and I never want my own goat. 

In April, I attended a History Conference with a friend and it was so not what we thought it would be so we skipped out and went to the mall.  That was a lot of fun!  Didn’t buy anything but a day in Milwaukee would not be complete without a trip to the Apple Store and some shops.

I think though the scariest thing that has happened recently is that I really like this guy.  We talk on the phone almost every night and I really enjoy the conversation we have.  This scares me soooo much because to open up and share your stories with someone you like and someone you want to like you back is terrifying.  What happens if I tell a story that offends him or makes him think I am a freak?  Like me wanting to make my own laundry detergent and maybe toothpaste... what if he gets weirded out by that?  Or what if he sees all my scars and flaws and decides I am just not enough for him?  So relationships SCARE the heck out of me.  Cause a lot of the time, I say silly things, act like a fool and do things that everyday American’s don’t do.  Like go back to school at thirty-six with the intent to change my whole career by forty.  But isn’t this what life is about?  Chasing your dreams and meeting people and believing that everything happens for a reason and having hope that things are going to be great?  That’s where I want to be though. :)  So that’s where I am headed.  :)

Have an awesome day :) Megan

April 8th, 2012

I have been busy with homework.... let me tell you I am afraid to write essays or papers because so much has changed since I was in high school.  I have had to write 3 so far this semester and I have at least 2 more.  Citing my source.... What?  Do these professors not know that there was no internet when I was in high school?  And with my job, I have been taught to keep things short and sweet so 10 page paper.... that takes me forever ;)  

I went to the movie premier of The Hunger Games.  Yes the MIDNIGHT premier.  on a school night.  I have never been to a midnight movie.  EVER.  I like to go to bed at a decent hour and I don’t like to be short on sleep.  My friend Tracy read all of the books and none of her friends nor her sister could go with her, so I decided to go.  I have not read the books and I still haven’t decided if I am going to.  Yes I understand that the people of the districts don’t really want to send their kids to be killed and that the government forces them to.... still I struggle with the whole concept.  As another friend stated the books are based on a “reality” type show which is popular these days so it is just giving the public more of what they lie.  The movie was very good though.  I cried, sat on the end of my seat and felt my heart break.  It was very powerful.  So I may go with Tracy to the next premier as well....

I bought a new car too.  I was really attached to my old car.  It was my dream car.  1998 Volvo Cross Country station wagon.  When the car first came out, the commercial had a couple rescuing a sea turtle and I thought that was awesome.  It had all the bells and whistles too for 1998.  I really just wanted to drive a few cars and see what I liked most and which would be the best for driving my daughter back and forth to college this fall.  Well ... I fell in love with a 2007 Mercury Milan.  I have never liked sedans (I think they are ugly and lack character), but this one rides so well and it looks cool.  No moonroof or heated leather seats, so I did downgrade a little but it was a great deal and I knew I needed to take the great deal I got and go!  So far it has treated me very well.  

I have also been flirting with a guy.  (yes the one I gave my number to in my last post)  A lot.  I don’t know where it will lead.  And that is ok. 

I also had to kill a spider.  Ok, it was in the sink one morning and I just had to wash it down the drain...but even that freaks me out.  But I did it.  and I didn’t have to leave the bathroom for 20 minutes and pretend that I didn’t just kill it.  I stayed in the bathroom and did my hair.  

Take care and I will post again after finals :)  Megan

March 4th 2012

March 4th 2012

It’s been a while, and I have become stuck in a rut.  The routine of school and work had become uneventful and slightly unremarkable.  I am sure that each day that at some point, I either open my mouth or don’t open my mouth and make comments on life that I should or shouldn’t say.  I know that I also waste time on websites like Pinterest or Apple or Facebook or iTunes that are really unproductive and that scares me.  I have so much to do and if I focused even just a little more on things like homework or friendships, I would blossom so much more.  So I don’t have details for each day... :(

Today I tried something new, I threw clay at Clay on Steele in Algoma and made two pots.  It was a lot of fun!  I went with my friend Michelle and some college girls that she knows and her two daughters.  I will post pictures when I get my pots back.

I also went out with some friends last night.  I worked until nine and met my friend out - it was her last day of work because she is going to stay at home with her three girls - I am so happy for her.  Anyway, I was the designated driver when I arrived and we stayed out until ONE AM..... I haven’t done that in .... years.  It was a great night and I don’t want to do that again for about a year.  I like my sleep too much ;)  

Oh yes, I declared my major and minor at school - History Major, Mathematics and Humanistic Studies (which will switch to Education - don’t ask it’s a silly college thing) Minors.  Doing this I believe that I have about three years left in school.  I have a lot of classes to take to fulfill these requirements.  It’s exciting and scary at the same time.

I mentioned a blog or two ago that I gave my number to a guy - he hasn’t called or texted and I don’t think that he will.  So as scary as it is and as much as I am slightly disappointed, I am still happy that I did give it to him.  A friend said that maybe he is scared too and that helped me put it into perspective.  I am not always the only scared one in the world. 

Thanks for reading, and I hope that I can become better at keeping track of my scary things so this isn’t a waste of your time :)

Megan

February 12, 2012

February 12, 2012

Wow! another two weeks have flown by!  And I am sure I am doing things every day that are out of my comfort zone but with school and work and the small amount of free time I have, I haven’t recorded them all.  

I did give a gentleman my phone number, I don’t expect him to call.  (and that is because if he does, I will be super impressed and it will have exceeded my expectations).  

I did declare my major at school too.  I am officially a History Major with a Math Minor. :)  Education for high school (secondary education) is a Minor as well so my plate just got filled up.  

This weekend at work I learned a lot.  We are going through a system change and converting our entire system to a web based program.  It has been and will continue to be an immense task.  It takes longer to do things and the system is not as easy to maneuver in.  With that said, I ask lots of questions of our dispatch and operations groups and continue to learn and share my learnings.  I also learned how to do tracking for a specific account tonight and will expand my customer base knowledge.  :)

One last thing that sticks out to me.... not a good one but something that needed to be done.  There has been this guy (no he is NOT a gentleman) who I have liked for a long time - two years.  He drifts in and out of my life on his time and expects me to just be thrilled that he took the time to talk to me.  Well, I have told him many times over the last two years that this is not what I want and that if he wants to be a part of my life, he needs to be a part of my life.  I blocked his text messages a while back, and just last week I blocked him on instant chat at work.  Today, I received a work related call from him and he got mad at me because I was all business and wasn’t thrilled to talk to him.  I am glad that I was that way because I am too busy to deal with his drama.  I am proud of myself for sticking my ground and not giving in to him.  It’s a hard thing to be unkind to someone, especially someone you like, but it needs to be done sometimes.  He tells me he misses me, but he CHOOSES to miss me so he will.  I don’t miss him anymore because I know that there is someone else out there who will make time for me :)  - maybe the gentleman I gave my number too.....

Have a great couple of weeks!  Thanks for reading.

Megan