5/28/2014

Yesterday I went to the University of Wisconsin at Milwaukee to discuss my course of action to attend their post baccalaureate program for getting my teaching certification.  I was very early and walked around the block of the building where the education department is.  I like the neighborhood.  Two blocks east of the campus are single family homes and they are on quiet streets.  Similar to Evanston, IL where my sister used to live.  

I signed in for my appointment and the advisor was awesome.  Then she started to outline my course schedule for fall and winter and spring..... I have to take eight (!!!!!) general education classes to be admitted to this program.  Economics, psychology, a First Nations course and several others because these course I took and passed at NWTC do not transfer into UWM.  

At first I was in shock.  Then I got upset and wanted to cry and scream. (I JUST WANT TO TEACH KIDS WHO NEED IT.)  I have done these!! I was expecting to take classes this fall, but I was not expecting a full load of five classes.  Then I need to take one class over winter interim.  Five more - finally for education! - in spring.  Two or maybe three over summer.  Then FINALLY I will be fully in the education program I want for fall of 2015 and only have two semesters left.  This process is frustrating to me and it feels like I am being held up on the way to my goal of teaching.   

So after I had dinner (At Ally’s Bistro - it was FANTASTIC!) and was driving home, I prayed and talked it out with God and this is his plan for me.  I am now looking forward to taking these easy classes this fall and taking on this task he has set in my path.  This is what he needs me to do to make a change in the world on this journey I have embarked upon. 

Today, I am at peace with the fact that in a little more than six months, my world will be turned upside down.  I will have taken another full class load at another university, I will be moving to a new city that I am unfamiliar with and just turning the page in the book of my life.  

Still, I am afraid of leaving my comfort zone....... but as my very close loved ones know, it is what I am called to do. :)

Megan  

Changes

1-28-14

Wow a new year.  I am not looking forward to this semester as I am taking my first ever online course.  I will graduate in May with my History degree but will need to find another university to get my teaching certification done.  I am leaning towards Milwaukee as they have an urban program that will give me all I am looking for to teach and wanting to teach in Milwaukee or another urban setting, finishing my schooling there makes sense. 
So with that being said, moving to a larger city by myself is scary.  I am really struggling with this.  I sometimes have small panic attacks as I will be leaving my family and job and security of Green Bay to pursue this dream.  I know it is what I am called to do and it is what I started this journey for but it still scares the crap out of me.  It has just come up so fast, reminding me that life does not stand still no matter how scared you are....
My daughter is expecting her first child in August so I will be leaving my grandmother duties as well as my motherly duties to pursue my dreams and goals.  It makes me feel selfish and I hate that feeling.  It is not my intention to leave her with all of these big changes, and I will always be available when she needs me.  

This is the year of many changes.  All of them will make me uncomfortable and uneasy.  I will have to rely on my desire to change small things along the way and the knowledge that this is God’s plan for me.

Megan

Friendship

10-23-13

“Try not to take things other people say about you too personally.  

What they think and say is a reflection of them, not you” 

This is something that everyone should remember everyday - for themselves and for others.  Friends can think that they are being truthful or helpful, yet they do not always think about what comes out of their mouth and how it will affect the person they are speaking to.  I know that I have said some really unkind or malicious things to others over the course of my life.  Sometimes it has been on purpose and others it has not been.  

When someone offends you, tell them.  It might take you a day or a week to realize what their meaning was but do not hold back and let them know.  If they are a true friend, they will apologize for it because they did not realize how it hurt you.  If they are not a true friend they will be defensive and defend what they said. This tells you that they are not a true friend and it is time to let them go.  

Our worlds are so busy and full that to take time for someone who is not a true friend and how does not know how to be a real friend is really a waste of time.  

I dislike change and removing negative people from my life is difficult for me.  However, I KNOW that in the end, I will be so much better off without them.  I need to start telling the negative people to get out of my life.  This is super hard for me.  I tend to shut down and stop talking to them....that does neither of us any good.  We all want to believe that we are always our best, that is never the case.  I have been called out for being a substandard friend more times than I care to admit.  If I had not been called out of it, I could not be the friend to others that I am today.

Who’s making you feel bad about yourself?  How could you let them know that without being a substandard friend?

Megan

9-23-13

I went for a walk today.  I haven’t walked since spring when I wanted to get back into the habit of walking to lose weight.  I walked everyday for over a year and lost thirty pounds.  With going to school and working almost full time, I really do not have a lot of time and the free time I do have, I would rather spend with friends or sleep.  So walking has taken a backseat to life right now.  I am in a rut however and need something to pull me out of it.  I believe that walking will do this for me.  It allows me to be creative by creating new playlists to walk to and it allows my imagination to take in the scenery around me and create short stories, imagine images and maybe think of crafty things to do.  I feel much better today than I have in a few weeks.  I am tired and I don’t think my hair looks great but my spirit has been poked at and I think that is what it needed.  I am going to do my very best to walk three times a week and to actually not be lazy and let my need for sleep or sad thoughts ruin this awesome idea.  The sunshine doesn’t hurt either.  Vitamin D is something everyone needs and just sitting in it is sometimes enough but most of the time it is better to get out and breath it in :)

Throwing off my routine scares me which is why walking three times a week frightens me a bit.  I have grown accustomed to sitting around three mornings a week and having some “me” time.  That however has backfired on me and led me and held me in this rut.  - long story for no other day. :)

This change though will do me good.  I will get the sunshine I need, the exercise my body needs and the fresh air that will help me sleep at night. 

                                                                   Megan :D

9-4-13

So my daughter got married in August.  She is 19 and he is 18.  This scares me but it also does not.  I am very proud of both of them and see love between them that can only get stronger.  It scares me because I was 18 when I was first married and that did not last.  I do believe though, that Jessica and Dillon have a better chance because they have been friends for about five years.  They have been there for each other during breakups and the ending of friendships, the renewal of friendships and just for each other.  I have faith that they did not enter this lightly and that they have a better chance than most because of their deep friendship.  I also see the light in their eyes when they speak about each other, when they look at each other and when they talk to others about each other.  It is a wonderful sight :) and it makes me understand that against odds they will survive.  

When Dillon asked me if he could marry Jessica, I told him that “divorce is not an option for Jessica - do you know this?” and he said it was not an option for him either.  One of my favorite pieces of advice for newlyweds or engaged couples is the one that suggests that the word divorce be taken out of your vocabulary.  If it is not an options, the word should not exist.  I completely agree because it was in my vocabulary and it was an option for me.  Today’s society says that if you want out, get out.  Society does not focus on fixing marriages like they used to.  Jessica and Dillon are off to a better start than most by not allowing divorce to be an option for them.  

Eventually our kids grow up and become their own person and have their own lives and not need us as much as they did as children.  This is life and we have to let our children live their own lives and support them and not talk them out of growing.  I know this scares most of us everyday.  I just want the best for my daughter and want to be able to hold her hand and shelter her but that is not going to do her any good.  She needs to be able to be herself and her own person.  Both of us will sprout new wings and will being new chapters in our live stories as each year passes.  This is what makes me smile :)

Megan

7-15-2013

Ok so writing a blog scared me a bit more than I expected.  It is funny how life just keeps moving and one day you realize that it has been over a year since you have done something.  It is also funny how over the course of said year, so many things that scared me have happened.  I moved into an apartment with my daughter - one of the best experiences I could have asked for.  I took some classes at college that I normally would not have taken - another good learning, Nazi Germany post WWI and pre WWII was a very interesting atmosphere.  I dated two men who I admire dearly, and failed miserably at both relationships and jeopardized both friendships.  Accepted a new position at work with more responsibilities - because I have extra time to worry about work, school, my daughter, my life and my parents....  My daughter got engaged and is getting married in August.  I am in the process of moving again - smaller place just for me, there will be lots of pink.  :)  So, yes this blog fell to the wayside and I apologize.  

I do intend to write again because this does help me move past some things that I am afraid of.  I have killed about five spiders since I moved in with my daughter, I have made new friends and lost some friends, I did date and I made some peace with other things from the past.  

One big thing that I have learned this past year is that pride is a terrible emotion to have.  It tears our self esteem apart and it prevents us from moving forward.  Pride encourages us to hold on to anger and resentment like badges to show everyone around us.  I want to live a life with very little regret and pride allows you to believe that you are not going to regret your decisions yet it prohibits you from being a forgiving person.  I sent an email tonight to a friend who I miss terribly.  I haven’t spoken to him in person for almost five months, and pride made me believe that I was doing the right thing.  I am scared as I wait to see if he responds, yet I know that what I needed to say has been said.  John Mayer stated: “even if your hands are shaking, and your faith is broken...say what you need to say....”  it is so very true.  

So bear with me as I attempt this again.  I do not want to promise a weekly or biweekly update, but I do want to promise more consistency.  

Thank you!  Megan

May 8th, 2012

So I have one final left.  Thank goodness, cause I am in need of no school for a while... three months to be exact. ;)  So with that, I asked my boss if I could work full time during the summer months and he says I can so.... I will be working six days a week.  Wednesday through Monday.  Looks like Tuesdays will be my relax and catch up day.  

I have been getting people to try the Kumbocha I make, and they like it and want to make their own, and that is very cool.  I know that my friend, Binky, will be super excited to hear that. (and the fact that I used the name she is known by)

I house sat for friends who went to Florida.  They have a horse, a goat, barn cats, two inside cats and two dogs.  It was interesting.  I haven’t ever gotten to know a horse and Billy (the horse) is thirty-four and has no teeth so I knew he wouldn’t bite me.  Libby the goat though was not happy with my presence.  It made me realize that I am totally a city girl and I never want my own goat. 

In April, I attended a History Conference with a friend and it was so not what we thought it would be so we skipped out and went to the mall.  That was a lot of fun!  Didn’t buy anything but a day in Milwaukee would not be complete without a trip to the Apple Store and some shops.

I think though the scariest thing that has happened recently is that I really like this guy.  We talk on the phone almost every night and I really enjoy the conversation we have.  This scares me soooo much because to open up and share your stories with someone you like and someone you want to like you back is terrifying.  What happens if I tell a story that offends him or makes him think I am a freak?  Like me wanting to make my own laundry detergent and maybe toothpaste... what if he gets weirded out by that?  Or what if he sees all my scars and flaws and decides I am just not enough for him?  So relationships SCARE the heck out of me.  Cause a lot of the time, I say silly things, act like a fool and do things that everyday American’s don’t do.  Like go back to school at thirty-six with the intent to change my whole career by forty.  But isn’t this what life is about?  Chasing your dreams and meeting people and believing that everything happens for a reason and having hope that things are going to be great?  That’s where I want to be though. :)  So that’s where I am headed.  :)

Have an awesome day :) Megan