11/22/15

 Ruts...and comfort zones...

ok. so for those of you who know me well, know that while I am friendly and I have many friends, making friends is not easy for me.  I also do not like to go places that are unfamiliar or that I haven’t been or where there are going to be people that I do not know.  So, going to college is hard.  Going to parties is hard.  Going to new places alone is hard.  

I was recently invited to a birthday party of a new friend.  While getting the invite was exiting…the thought of going scared the shet out of me.  

Normally, I would talk myself out of going through out the day.  I typically sit on the fence about going to events, getting up in the morning and being excited about having plans and by the time comes around, realizing that I do not want to leave my home and make small talk with people.

I was pretty much set on not going.  Then I remembered that I need to get out and do things.  I need to take chances.  I did not move to MKE to hide in my apartment during my free time.  If I want to network and meet people and make friends, I need to leave my apartment. 

I went to the party.  I danced (ok only a little) at the party.  I had fun!  I made the small talk.  It felt good.  I remembered how much I do enjoy these things and I need to do more of them.  

Stepping out of our comfort zones can be terrifying.  It can cause anxiety for us.  In the end, it can be just what is needed to get out of a rut that we are stuck in.  

So here is to taking more chances and getting out of our comfortable ruts :)

Megan

Sometimes (the devil wins)

8-6-15

This fall marks the sixth year I have been in college.  It is my last year.  This journey has been wonderful and I have learned so much.  The problem is I have given up so much too.  My friendships have been placed on pause, I have taken a step back at work and turned jobs down that I could do so well, I have given up my free time and have moved to a city - that I love - but where I know very few people.  So as I reflect on this last year of college, I know it is going to be the hardest year yet - student teaching, college class and working.... I have been reflecting on all that I have lost.  

I have lost spending time with my daughter and her growing family - in person.  Skype is great but it is not the same.

I have lost being there for friends who need me.  Losses of loved ones and other milestones I gave up the right to be a part of by moving.

I have gotten off track with my passion to create cards or scrapbooks or crafty things I have made in the past.  

I have lost the desire to read anything for pleasure.  It is all learning at this point.

As I reflected on these things - I realized that I let the devil win, sometimes.  There are so many other people who have lost loved ones and dear friends for various reasons.  There are friends who do not speak over petty arguments.  There are relationships that end because of miscommunication.  

Sometimes, I have my moments of doubt - but only because I let the devil in and take over my thoughts.  This has been one of the hardest years of my life, but only because I have stumbled in my faith.  I am a working in progress and am making my way back to the right path.

While I have paused many things in my life, it is just a pause.  I will be able to spend time with my daughter and her family more often after this last year.

I will be able to reconnect with my friends that I miss so much.

I will become creative again and will find books that will be worth reading for pleasure.

These last six years have taught me more than History or about Teaching.  

I have met new friends and made some great connections.

I have found my calling in life - teaching.  

I have learned to be on my own in a new city and have been brave enough to strike up conversation with strangers.  

The future holds great things and I have faith that the One who holds my future will make my doubts disappear.

                                                Megan

7-18-15

Social Media....

I did something this morning that I had never intended to do.  I created a Twitter account.  

I did it because my all time favorite cartoon character came out of retirement and was Tweeting.  Opus the Penguin from Bloom County re-emerged on Monday 7-13-15 after a 25 year hiatus.  Opus the Penguin helped teach me some sarcasm and a little about politics.  I was ecstatic to have him re-emerge onto Facebook and just had to follow him on Twitter.  

So I created my Twitter account for a fictional, old, beloved bird.  

When I created my Facebook account it was to keep up with the teenagers that I had come to know in youth group who were heading off to college.  I wanted to make sure that I was still able to watch them grow and become adults and have families and houses.  

Facebook quickly became something that spread into every aspect of my life.  Youth group, friends, family, coworkers, long lost friends... people that I rarely speak to in person.  I am picky about who I “friend” and I rarely just send off a “friend request”.  I usually ask permission from the person first.  

I have an Instagram account because I sometimes do not use my Facebook - I take a break every now and again, and I had adorable grandson pictures to post!  

So with all of this social media, it does scare me that people are losing touch with the real things that happen in life.  Real interactions.  

For Introverts (which I am), it is an easy way to make excuses to not go out into the world.  All of our “friends” can see our lives unfolding in front of them without leaving the couch and vice versa.  It provides a socially acceptable reason to be anti-social.  That scares me too....

On the flip side of that, how amazing it is to live in a world were we can stay in touch without having to take long road trips and adventures.  When people post on any of social media app, they are inviting you to be a part of their life - their wins, their losses, their joy and their sadness.  Even if these people are not close to you, it still means that in some way, your lives have touched and that they still want you in it - if even from afar.

With all of that said.... I am going to keep my Twitter account, even if I never have followers and only follow Opus the Penguin.  Maybe he can teach me more about this social media as he learns about it.  :)

Thanks for reading yet another form of social media - the blog ;)  Megan

Downtime

4-4-15

Going back to school and working almost full time to full time for the last five years has left me with little downtime.  I took this weekend off to get ahead on my homework and I have learned that I am not good at having nothing to do.  I should be out exploring Milwaukee and what it has to offer on this nice weekend but I didn’t want to lose my good parking spot and I didn’t want to get dressed.  

I need to learn to put aside my fears of being out by myself and learn to get out.  Some days though I just want to not leave my apartment (which I love) and I need to decompress from spending time with seventh graders, college kids and coworkers.  

However, watching two seasons of “House of Cards” in two days is a bit extreme.

So with summer looming in the near future, I am going to have to set plans to get out and do things.  I really want to see the Art Museum, go to a Brewers game, wander around my neighborhood and find local shops that I like.  

I know that I can do this.... it is just a matter of time. :)

Megan

3/1/15
    “Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same” -
All at Once, The Fray
    So in life, we happen across people who make a difference in our lives little by little and suddenly we cannot imagine life without them.  Then they step away from us and the relationship changes.  You are stuck there and your jaw has dropped and you are spinning.  While the change was looming over you, and while you saw it in coming up on you in the rearview, it still hurts and it still stings and it just is something you struggle with.  There are days that go by and you are great, fine, and do not think about how the changes have been made or how the changes have hurt.  Then there are the days where you cannot think correctly and you act like a fool and you cannot breathe....  this person who was not the one you wanted to be the one, this person who you did not think would matter so much - matters so much.  You struggle and are heartbroken each time that you have to see them or cross their path.  Yet they want to continue this but on their terms and only if you can act like nothing matters and that you do not care.  All you want is for them to be happy and even if you cannot make them happy - it is what is important to you.  Your own happiness needs to be set aside so you can make sure that they are happy.  Somedays this is easy to do and there are the days where making their happiness is like a 1,000 pound weight that you cannot bear.  You cannot tell this person the struggle you have because you are ashamed of it and feel that they will not understand.  Putting on that smile so they think everything is ok, is all you can do to get through.  While life moves forward and every day brings new challenges and changes, there are days when you still cannot breathe at the thought of this person because your feelings are still there.  So while you need to allow the relationship to continue on their terms and you still only want their happiness, it becomes the hardest thing and the right thing at the same time.  Sometimes, being able to watch them become happy without you, while you still cheer on the sidelines of their life, makes you happy too.
                                        Megan

1/5/15

OH MY GOSH it is 2015!!!

I am glad that 2014 is over.  I am blessed to have had my grandchild, LJ, born in 2014, but the rest of the year needed to end.  

So many changes and so many scary things happened in 2014.

Changing friendships.  Some for the good and some for the bad.

Change in my dating outlook.  This is soooo for the good.

Changes in relationships with my family.  It is interesting......

2014 was a very emotionally turbulent year for me.  

The start of 2015 has only been positive for me.  A new city, a new apartment, the light at the end of the tunnel for my Education.... All very scary and exciting.

I am ready to leave the emotion and the heartache of 2014 behind me and start new and “scary” adventures :)

I wish all of you well as your new year starts - and try something different - at least once.  It really is a good thing!

Lots of love, 

Megan

12/19/14

Leaving

I have called Green Bay for 98% of my life.  I lived in Plover for eight months when my daughter was one, and then in Waukesha for eleven months when my daughter was turning two. 
Leaving a place that I know well is frightening.  

I know my way around both the east and west side - and to some people that live here they know that is not always accomplished by people.  There are “east siders” and “west siders”.  

I do not know Milwaukee at all.  I mean, when I was down there last month for two days looking at apartments, I got to see the neighborhood I will be living in but... it isn’t the same.  

It is uncomfortable.  

and I am frightened.  

and that makes me emotional.  and I HATE IT.  

I have not been a good friend this year.  ok - honestly for the last four years.  I have given up my friendships and social life for school.  To pursue my dream.  My purpose.  

I thought this summer would be the summer that I could make up for my lack of time.

It did not live up to my expectations.  and that is my fault.  Expectations are the root of all heartache.  I need to learn to not expect.  

So - to those who I have put aside, I am truly sorry.  I love you.  and I will miss you everyday (because I already do and living in another city will make me miss you more).

I am leaving because I need / have this desire / am called to.  

I have this purpose to teach kids in high school.  Those kids that no one wants to teach.  “Inner city kids.”  Kids who come from broken homes. Kids who are not believed in.  Kids that are forgotten by their neighbors, their cities, their government and sometimes their families.  Kids who will someday make decisions about the world that we live in.  Kids that have hope.  Kids that will go out into the world and cause change for everyone.  

I am excited beyond words.  

I am also emotional - so if you see me in the next ten days and I start crying - it isn’t personal, it’s cleansing my soul of my imperfections as a friend.  and the fact that I am frightened to be alone in a large city I do not know......but I will learn it! :)

Merry Christmas to your families and safe travels.  <3 Megan

Big Changes

11/14/14

I spent Tuesday and Wednesday day exploring Milwaukee apartments.  I knew that my search would require more research and time than if I was just staying in Green Bay.  I took a friend for support, help and fun.  We viewed nineteen apartments.  All sizes, from 175 square feet to an amazing one bedroom with hardwood floors and high ceilings that was about $150 over my budget.  I feel in love with two of them, and of course they were the ones I cannot afford (hardwood floors and character).  I felt at home in two of them, and they are in my budget and I have applied for those.  Those are in the same neighborhood, about eight blocks apart, south of the university and close to the lake.  :)

I also received my acceptance letter to the School of Education on Monday.  

So it’s go time. 

I need to just secure a move in date and then pack.  I thought I would be freaked out about all of this.  I am not.  Change is something that I have learned to welcome in my life lately.  The last six or so years have taught me a lot about change.

I am nervous to move to Milwaukee.  None of the apartments we looked at offered free parking for tenants, prices ranged from $45 to $115.... so I will stress about finding a parking spot until spring probably.  I am nervous about doing this alone.  This is probably the push I need to break free of bad friendships and reconnect with good friends.  It is a change for me to learn to trust people again.  I am going to have to make friends in Milwaukee, and I will have to do so with my guard up but I am going to have to learn to step out from behind it once in a while.

All of this is scary and exciting!  I found this quote the other day and I am going to post it somewhere in my new apartment:  “I always did something I was a little not ready to do.  I think that’s how you grow.  When there’s that moment of ‘Wow, I’m not really sure I can do this’ and you push through those moments, that’s when you have a breakthrough.”  - Marissa Mayer.  Yep, I am not sure I can do this and am pushing through despite that uncertainty.

                                   <3  Megan

Acceptance

7/19/14

Acceptance from others is something I have struggled with my whole life.  I want to be smart enough, tall enough, pretty enough, bold enough, enough of whatever they want me to be.  With some people in my life it has been a lifelong process.  It has taken me almost forty years to figure out that I do not need their acceptance.  I need to accept myself as I am.  God created me uniquely and if that is not enough for another person than that person is just a written line in my story, and I should not try to make it a chapter, because they will only hold me back.  My journey needs to be about how I fulfill the purpose God created in me.  

This morning I woke up sobbing because I have not given this need to God.  I realized that some people will just not accept me for who I am, where I am in my journey.  By not handing it to God, I was still holding on to hope that one day I would be enough for these people.  I am ready to give it to God and move forward to serve my purpose.  

I am enough.  I am beautiful - inside and outside.  I am smart.  I can face the challenges that are laid out for me in the journey of my life written specifically by God.  

Mandy Hale, who has been an inspiration for me as of late, posted this on Instagram the other day, “Forgive me for picking up what I’ve already laid down at your feet.”  This is so true.  How often do we ask God to take our struggle and then we continue to struggle with it here?  I do not plan on picking this struggle up again.  I will always have good and bad days about my looks, but I know that God created me and in his eyes I am gorgeous!

Have a terrific day!

Megan :)

7/11/14

Those who know me understand that I do not speak my mind openly and I tend to keep my opinions, ideas and problems to myself.  I like to think that I keep more inside than the normal person.  I do not have close friends who listen to my ranting about issues that occur.  With this being said, lately, my voice has emerged and I have found myself saying things that would offend even me.  I have learned that I need to be honest with people and this will not always be pleasant for them but it is necessary for growth - in them and mostly in me.  I have come to realize that I do not want to “pretend” to be friends with anyone anymore.  Fake promises, fake relationship status and fake people need to be evicted from my everyday life.  Other bloggers or people I follow on social media have all been saying the same thing - evict these negative people from your life.  I have become more bold in my words and to be honest, I expect people to do the same for me.  I want to know if I have offended someone, and I want to know if I am of value to my friends.  I have spent many years feeling that I have no value and there are days that I still struggle with that.  Everyone we meet, cross paths with or even smile at, has value in our everyday.  I value my friends honesty and truth and ability to help me grow as a person.  

The devil reminds me everyday of my failures and how I am not of value.  What is so very amazing to me, is in the same thought or breath, God reminds me of how unique I am and how valuable I am.  I am made in Gods image and God does NOT make junk.  I am put on this earth to have purpose, a purpose to better this earth from when I arrived. To make others feel valuable.  To be honest and truthful to those I love and cherish.  

Obviously, I have struggled with a few relationships this year as the last two posts have been about them.  This year has brought many challenges in relationships for me and has closed many doors.  I am grateful for each of them and I look forward to what else is in store for me.  Even though I am so very afraid of the doors that will close (or slam shut in my face).  

This journey of life is scary and every day, I will continue to do something to conquer my fears, no matter how small it may be. :)

Megan

Relationships

6/17/14

“You don’t lose friends, because real friends can never be lost.  You lose people masquerading as friends, and you’re better for it.”  Mandy Hale

The end of a relationship is something that I dread.  I would much rather have a relationship fade out.  Like when I move teams at work and I don’t see people everyday, and I understand that we were friends because we sat next to each other - that kind of fading out.  

Relationships complicate life, friendships or romantic.  As you meet people and try to work them into your existing schedule with family and friends and work and school and social activities, you grow attached and try to see the future with this person and how the future will include them.  

As you do this, you need to spend time with this new person over your other friends so that you can learn more about them and if they are a good fit for you or not.  Sometimes this new relationship shows lots of promise and you do take the time to invest in it.  So you start introducing them to your current friends and family circle.  This complicates it more.  

As I have learned over the last six years, I do not like losing people.  I have made and lost several friendships and many romantic relationships.  It is getting harder to move on and try to fill the void that the new person left with the friends and family that you still have around because you have created so much time for the new person.  

I think that this is something that scares me most about the next part of my journey.  Moving to a new city and maintaining the solid, life long relationships with my friends and family that will still be in Green Bay and trying to create and develop new relationships in Milwaukee.  I do not handle small talk well, I do not like big groups or large friend outings, and I need my space.  I am a classic introvert - which surprises most people because I have grown to play an extrovert in real life ;)

However, with each ending of a relationship of any kind, I have learned what is important to me and what I need to find in the next relationship - again, friendship or romantic.  The things that I find important in a person are: honesty, loyalty, time, a good combination of listening and venting, hugs, understanding, acceptance and a little adventure.  

Please do not misunderstand me, I have ended my share of relationships too over the last thirty-nine years, but I tend to take longer to see that it will not work.  I do not like to give up on people or ideas or goals.  My needs as a person have changed too.  I also understand that sometimes I am not an easy person to get along with.  

With all of this said, I truly love and cherish my solid relationships.  Some people I do not see everyday, nor once a week, but your presence in my life makes a difference.  Some people are just friends online and that too is ok and I value those relationships too.  

So Thanks for being my friend!

Megan

 

5/28/2014

Yesterday I went to the University of Wisconsin at Milwaukee to discuss my course of action to attend their post baccalaureate program for getting my teaching certification.  I was very early and walked around the block of the building where the education department is.  I like the neighborhood.  Two blocks east of the campus are single family homes and they are on quiet streets.  Similar to Evanston, IL where my sister used to live.  

I signed in for my appointment and the advisor was awesome.  Then she started to outline my course schedule for fall and winter and spring..... I have to take eight (!!!!!) general education classes to be admitted to this program.  Economics, psychology, a First Nations course and several others because these course I took and passed at NWTC do not transfer into UWM.  

At first I was in shock.  Then I got upset and wanted to cry and scream. (I JUST WANT TO TEACH KIDS WHO NEED IT.)  I have done these!! I was expecting to take classes this fall, but I was not expecting a full load of five classes.  Then I need to take one class over winter interim.  Five more - finally for education! - in spring.  Two or maybe three over summer.  Then FINALLY I will be fully in the education program I want for fall of 2015 and only have two semesters left.  This process is frustrating to me and it feels like I am being held up on the way to my goal of teaching.   

So after I had dinner (At Ally’s Bistro - it was FANTASTIC!) and was driving home, I prayed and talked it out with God and this is his plan for me.  I am now looking forward to taking these easy classes this fall and taking on this task he has set in my path.  This is what he needs me to do to make a change in the world on this journey I have embarked upon. 

Today, I am at peace with the fact that in a little more than six months, my world will be turned upside down.  I will have taken another full class load at another university, I will be moving to a new city that I am unfamiliar with and just turning the page in the book of my life.  

Still, I am afraid of leaving my comfort zone....... but as my very close loved ones know, it is what I am called to do. :)

Megan  

Changes

1-28-14

Wow a new year.  I am not looking forward to this semester as I am taking my first ever online course.  I will graduate in May with my History degree but will need to find another university to get my teaching certification done.  I am leaning towards Milwaukee as they have an urban program that will give me all I am looking for to teach and wanting to teach in Milwaukee or another urban setting, finishing my schooling there makes sense. 
So with that being said, moving to a larger city by myself is scary.  I am really struggling with this.  I sometimes have small panic attacks as I will be leaving my family and job and security of Green Bay to pursue this dream.  I know it is what I am called to do and it is what I started this journey for but it still scares the crap out of me.  It has just come up so fast, reminding me that life does not stand still no matter how scared you are....
My daughter is expecting her first child in August so I will be leaving my grandmother duties as well as my motherly duties to pursue my dreams and goals.  It makes me feel selfish and I hate that feeling.  It is not my intention to leave her with all of these big changes, and I will always be available when she needs me.  

This is the year of many changes.  All of them will make me uncomfortable and uneasy.  I will have to rely on my desire to change small things along the way and the knowledge that this is God’s plan for me.

Megan

Friendship

10-23-13

“Try not to take things other people say about you too personally.  

What they think and say is a reflection of them, not you” 

This is something that everyone should remember everyday - for themselves and for others.  Friends can think that they are being truthful or helpful, yet they do not always think about what comes out of their mouth and how it will affect the person they are speaking to.  I know that I have said some really unkind or malicious things to others over the course of my life.  Sometimes it has been on purpose and others it has not been.  

When someone offends you, tell them.  It might take you a day or a week to realize what their meaning was but do not hold back and let them know.  If they are a true friend, they will apologize for it because they did not realize how it hurt you.  If they are not a true friend they will be defensive and defend what they said. This tells you that they are not a true friend and it is time to let them go.  

Our worlds are so busy and full that to take time for someone who is not a true friend and how does not know how to be a real friend is really a waste of time.  

I dislike change and removing negative people from my life is difficult for me.  However, I KNOW that in the end, I will be so much better off without them.  I need to start telling the negative people to get out of my life.  This is super hard for me.  I tend to shut down and stop talking to them....that does neither of us any good.  We all want to believe that we are always our best, that is never the case.  I have been called out for being a substandard friend more times than I care to admit.  If I had not been called out of it, I could not be the friend to others that I am today.

Who’s making you feel bad about yourself?  How could you let them know that without being a substandard friend?

Megan

9-23-13

I went for a walk today.  I haven’t walked since spring when I wanted to get back into the habit of walking to lose weight.  I walked everyday for over a year and lost thirty pounds.  With going to school and working almost full time, I really do not have a lot of time and the free time I do have, I would rather spend with friends or sleep.  So walking has taken a backseat to life right now.  I am in a rut however and need something to pull me out of it.  I believe that walking will do this for me.  It allows me to be creative by creating new playlists to walk to and it allows my imagination to take in the scenery around me and create short stories, imagine images and maybe think of crafty things to do.  I feel much better today than I have in a few weeks.  I am tired and I don’t think my hair looks great but my spirit has been poked at and I think that is what it needed.  I am going to do my very best to walk three times a week and to actually not be lazy and let my need for sleep or sad thoughts ruin this awesome idea.  The sunshine doesn’t hurt either.  Vitamin D is something everyone needs and just sitting in it is sometimes enough but most of the time it is better to get out and breath it in :)

Throwing off my routine scares me which is why walking three times a week frightens me a bit.  I have grown accustomed to sitting around three mornings a week and having some “me” time.  That however has backfired on me and led me and held me in this rut.  - long story for no other day. :)

This change though will do me good.  I will get the sunshine I need, the exercise my body needs and the fresh air that will help me sleep at night. 

                                                                   Megan :D

9-4-13

So my daughter got married in August.  She is 19 and he is 18.  This scares me but it also does not.  I am very proud of both of them and see love between them that can only get stronger.  It scares me because I was 18 when I was first married and that did not last.  I do believe though, that Jessica and Dillon have a better chance because they have been friends for about five years.  They have been there for each other during breakups and the ending of friendships, the renewal of friendships and just for each other.  I have faith that they did not enter this lightly and that they have a better chance than most because of their deep friendship.  I also see the light in their eyes when they speak about each other, when they look at each other and when they talk to others about each other.  It is a wonderful sight :) and it makes me understand that against odds they will survive.  

When Dillon asked me if he could marry Jessica, I told him that “divorce is not an option for Jessica - do you know this?” and he said it was not an option for him either.  One of my favorite pieces of advice for newlyweds or engaged couples is the one that suggests that the word divorce be taken out of your vocabulary.  If it is not an options, the word should not exist.  I completely agree because it was in my vocabulary and it was an option for me.  Today’s society says that if you want out, get out.  Society does not focus on fixing marriages like they used to.  Jessica and Dillon are off to a better start than most by not allowing divorce to be an option for them.  

Eventually our kids grow up and become their own person and have their own lives and not need us as much as they did as children.  This is life and we have to let our children live their own lives and support them and not talk them out of growing.  I know this scares most of us everyday.  I just want the best for my daughter and want to be able to hold her hand and shelter her but that is not going to do her any good.  She needs to be able to be herself and her own person.  Both of us will sprout new wings and will being new chapters in our live stories as each year passes.  This is what makes me smile :)

Megan

7-15-2013

Ok so writing a blog scared me a bit more than I expected.  It is funny how life just keeps moving and one day you realize that it has been over a year since you have done something.  It is also funny how over the course of said year, so many things that scared me have happened.  I moved into an apartment with my daughter - one of the best experiences I could have asked for.  I took some classes at college that I normally would not have taken - another good learning, Nazi Germany post WWI and pre WWII was a very interesting atmosphere.  I dated two men who I admire dearly, and failed miserably at both relationships and jeopardized both friendships.  Accepted a new position at work with more responsibilities - because I have extra time to worry about work, school, my daughter, my life and my parents....  My daughter got engaged and is getting married in August.  I am in the process of moving again - smaller place just for me, there will be lots of pink.  :)  So, yes this blog fell to the wayside and I apologize.  

I do intend to write again because this does help me move past some things that I am afraid of.  I have killed about five spiders since I moved in with my daughter, I have made new friends and lost some friends, I did date and I made some peace with other things from the past.  

One big thing that I have learned this past year is that pride is a terrible emotion to have.  It tears our self esteem apart and it prevents us from moving forward.  Pride encourages us to hold on to anger and resentment like badges to show everyone around us.  I want to live a life with very little regret and pride allows you to believe that you are not going to regret your decisions yet it prohibits you from being a forgiving person.  I sent an email tonight to a friend who I miss terribly.  I haven’t spoken to him in person for almost five months, and pride made me believe that I was doing the right thing.  I am scared as I wait to see if he responds, yet I know that what I needed to say has been said.  John Mayer stated: “even if your hands are shaking, and your faith is broken...say what you need to say....”  it is so very true.  

So bear with me as I attempt this again.  I do not want to promise a weekly or biweekly update, but I do want to promise more consistency.  

Thank you!  Megan

May 8th, 2012

So I have one final left.  Thank goodness, cause I am in need of no school for a while... three months to be exact. ;)  So with that, I asked my boss if I could work full time during the summer months and he says I can so.... I will be working six days a week.  Wednesday through Monday.  Looks like Tuesdays will be my relax and catch up day.  

I have been getting people to try the Kumbocha I make, and they like it and want to make their own, and that is very cool.  I know that my friend, Binky, will be super excited to hear that. (and the fact that I used the name she is known by)

I house sat for friends who went to Florida.  They have a horse, a goat, barn cats, two inside cats and two dogs.  It was interesting.  I haven’t ever gotten to know a horse and Billy (the horse) is thirty-four and has no teeth so I knew he wouldn’t bite me.  Libby the goat though was not happy with my presence.  It made me realize that I am totally a city girl and I never want my own goat. 

In April, I attended a History Conference with a friend and it was so not what we thought it would be so we skipped out and went to the mall.  That was a lot of fun!  Didn’t buy anything but a day in Milwaukee would not be complete without a trip to the Apple Store and some shops.

I think though the scariest thing that has happened recently is that I really like this guy.  We talk on the phone almost every night and I really enjoy the conversation we have.  This scares me soooo much because to open up and share your stories with someone you like and someone you want to like you back is terrifying.  What happens if I tell a story that offends him or makes him think I am a freak?  Like me wanting to make my own laundry detergent and maybe toothpaste... what if he gets weirded out by that?  Or what if he sees all my scars and flaws and decides I am just not enough for him?  So relationships SCARE the heck out of me.  Cause a lot of the time, I say silly things, act like a fool and do things that everyday American’s don’t do.  Like go back to school at thirty-six with the intent to change my whole career by forty.  But isn’t this what life is about?  Chasing your dreams and meeting people and believing that everything happens for a reason and having hope that things are going to be great?  That’s where I want to be though. :)  So that’s where I am headed.  :)

Have an awesome day :) Megan

April 8th, 2012

I have been busy with homework.... let me tell you I am afraid to write essays or papers because so much has changed since I was in high school.  I have had to write 3 so far this semester and I have at least 2 more.  Citing my source.... What?  Do these professors not know that there was no internet when I was in high school?  And with my job, I have been taught to keep things short and sweet so 10 page paper.... that takes me forever ;)  

I went to the movie premier of The Hunger Games.  Yes the MIDNIGHT premier.  on a school night.  I have never been to a midnight movie.  EVER.  I like to go to bed at a decent hour and I don’t like to be short on sleep.  My friend Tracy read all of the books and none of her friends nor her sister could go with her, so I decided to go.  I have not read the books and I still haven’t decided if I am going to.  Yes I understand that the people of the districts don’t really want to send their kids to be killed and that the government forces them to.... still I struggle with the whole concept.  As another friend stated the books are based on a “reality” type show which is popular these days so it is just giving the public more of what they lie.  The movie was very good though.  I cried, sat on the end of my seat and felt my heart break.  It was very powerful.  So I may go with Tracy to the next premier as well....

I bought a new car too.  I was really attached to my old car.  It was my dream car.  1998 Volvo Cross Country station wagon.  When the car first came out, the commercial had a couple rescuing a sea turtle and I thought that was awesome.  It had all the bells and whistles too for 1998.  I really just wanted to drive a few cars and see what I liked most and which would be the best for driving my daughter back and forth to college this fall.  Well ... I fell in love with a 2007 Mercury Milan.  I have never liked sedans (I think they are ugly and lack character), but this one rides so well and it looks cool.  No moonroof or heated leather seats, so I did downgrade a little but it was a great deal and I knew I needed to take the great deal I got and go!  So far it has treated me very well.  

I have also been flirting with a guy.  (yes the one I gave my number to in my last post)  A lot.  I don’t know where it will lead.  And that is ok. 

I also had to kill a spider.  Ok, it was in the sink one morning and I just had to wash it down the drain...but even that freaks me out.  But I did it.  and I didn’t have to leave the bathroom for 20 minutes and pretend that I didn’t just kill it.  I stayed in the bathroom and did my hair.  

Take care and I will post again after finals :)  Megan

March 4th 2012

March 4th 2012

It’s been a while, and I have become stuck in a rut.  The routine of school and work had become uneventful and slightly unremarkable.  I am sure that each day that at some point, I either open my mouth or don’t open my mouth and make comments on life that I should or shouldn’t say.  I know that I also waste time on websites like Pinterest or Apple or Facebook or iTunes that are really unproductive and that scares me.  I have so much to do and if I focused even just a little more on things like homework or friendships, I would blossom so much more.  So I don’t have details for each day... :(

Today I tried something new, I threw clay at Clay on Steele in Algoma and made two pots.  It was a lot of fun!  I went with my friend Michelle and some college girls that she knows and her two daughters.  I will post pictures when I get my pots back.

I also went out with some friends last night.  I worked until nine and met my friend out - it was her last day of work because she is going to stay at home with her three girls - I am so happy for her.  Anyway, I was the designated driver when I arrived and we stayed out until ONE AM..... I haven’t done that in .... years.  It was a great night and I don’t want to do that again for about a year.  I like my sleep too much ;)  

Oh yes, I declared my major and minor at school - History Major, Mathematics and Humanistic Studies (which will switch to Education - don’t ask it’s a silly college thing) Minors.  Doing this I believe that I have about three years left in school.  I have a lot of classes to take to fulfill these requirements.  It’s exciting and scary at the same time.

I mentioned a blog or two ago that I gave my number to a guy - he hasn’t called or texted and I don’t think that he will.  So as scary as it is and as much as I am slightly disappointed, I am still happy that I did give it to him.  A friend said that maybe he is scared too and that helped me put it into perspective.  I am not always the only scared one in the world. 

Thanks for reading, and I hope that I can become better at keeping track of my scary things so this isn’t a waste of your time :)

Megan