Sometimes (the devil wins)

8-6-15

This fall marks the sixth year I have been in college.  It is my last year.  This journey has been wonderful and I have learned so much.  The problem is I have given up so much too.  My friendships have been placed on pause, I have taken a step back at work and turned jobs down that I could do so well, I have given up my free time and have moved to a city - that I love - but where I know very few people.  So as I reflect on this last year of college, I know it is going to be the hardest year yet - student teaching, college class and working.... I have been reflecting on all that I have lost.  

I have lost spending time with my daughter and her growing family - in person.  Skype is great but it is not the same.

I have lost being there for friends who need me.  Losses of loved ones and other milestones I gave up the right to be a part of by moving.

I have gotten off track with my passion to create cards or scrapbooks or crafty things I have made in the past.  

I have lost the desire to read anything for pleasure.  It is all learning at this point.

As I reflected on these things - I realized that I let the devil win, sometimes.  There are so many other people who have lost loved ones and dear friends for various reasons.  There are friends who do not speak over petty arguments.  There are relationships that end because of miscommunication.  

Sometimes, I have my moments of doubt - but only because I let the devil in and take over my thoughts.  This has been one of the hardest years of my life, but only because I have stumbled in my faith.  I am a working in progress and am making my way back to the right path.

While I have paused many things in my life, it is just a pause.  I will be able to spend time with my daughter and her family more often after this last year.

I will be able to reconnect with my friends that I miss so much.

I will become creative again and will find books that will be worth reading for pleasure.

These last six years have taught me more than History or about Teaching.  

I have met new friends and made some great connections.

I have found my calling in life - teaching.  

I have learned to be on my own in a new city and have been brave enough to strike up conversation with strangers.  

The future holds great things and I have faith that the One who holds my future will make my doubts disappear.

                                                Megan